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Who's On First? Music Lyrics

Abbott & Costello

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Abbott: How do you…how do you like my lawn club for St. Lou?
Costello: Hey, all those people gonna be at the game today?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: Ah, this is gonna be a whopper of a game!
Abbott: Well it should be.
Costello: Hey, Abbott…
Abbott: What?
Costello: I understand they made you the manager of
this here whole great team.
Abbott: Why not?
Costello: So you the manager?
Abbott: I�'m the manager!
Costello: Well, you know, I�'d like to know some of
the guys�' names on the team so when I meet �'em on
the street or in the ballpark I�'ll be able to say,
�"Hello,�" to those people.
Abbott: Why sure I�'ll introduce you to the boys.
They give �'em funny names though, St. Lou.
Costello: Oh I know they give those ball players awful funny names.
Abbott: Well, let�'s see, on the team we have uh Who�'s
on first, What�'s on second, I Don�'t Know is on third…
Costello: Are you the manager?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You know the guys�' names?
Abbott: I sure do.
Costello: Then tell me the guys�' names.
Abbott: I say, Who�'s on first,
What�'s on second, I Don�'t Know�'s on third and then you…
Costello: You the manager?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You know the guys�' names?
Abbott: I�'m telling you their names!
Costello: Well who�'s on first?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: Go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy playin�' first base.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: What are you askin�' me for? I�'m askin�' you!
Abbott: I�'m not asking you, I�'m telling you.
Costello: You ain�'t tellin�' me nothin�'.
I�'m askin�' you, who�'s on first?
Abbott: That�'s it!
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who!
Costello: The guy on first base.
Abbott: That�'s his name.
Costello: That�'s whose name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: That�'s the man�'s name!
Costello: That�'s whose name?
Abbott: Yeah!
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me!
Abbott: Who is on first.
Costello: What are you askin�' me for? I�'m askin�' you, who�'s on first?
Abbott: That�'s it.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: That�'s it.
Costello: What�'s the guy�'s name on first?
Abbott: No, What�'s on second.
Costello: I�'m not askin�' you who�'s on second!
Abbott: Who�'s on first.
Costello: That�'s what I�'m askin�' you! Who�'s on first?
Abbott: Now wait a minute. Don�'t…don�'t change the players.
Costello: I�'m not changin�' nobody!
I asked you a simple question. What�'s the guys�' name on first base?
Abbott: What�'s the guy�'s name on second base.
Costello: I�'m not askin�' you who�'s on second!
Abbott: Who�'s on first.
Costello: I don�'t know.
Abbott: He�'s on third. Now we�'re not talking about him.
Costello: Look, you got a first baseman?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Then tell me the fella�'s name playin�' first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy playin�' first.
Abbott: That�'s his name.
Costello: Wait…What�'s the guy�'s name on first base?
Abbott: What is the guy�'s name on second base!
Costello: Who�'s playin�' second?
Abbott: Who�'s playin�' first.
Costello: I don�'t know.
Abbott: He�'s on third base.
Costello: Look, when you pay off the first baseman
every month, who do you pay the money to?
Abbott: Every dollar of it.
Costello: Yeah. Look, you gotta pay the money to somebody
on first base, don�'t you?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: Does he give you a receipt?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: How does he sign the receipt?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy that you give the money to.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy you give the money to.
Abbott: That�'s how he signs it.
Costello: That�'s how who signs it?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me!?Abbott: That�'s it.
Costello: That�'s who?
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: When you give the guy the money,
doesn�'t he have to sign the receipt?
Abbott: He does!
Costello: Well how does he sign his name?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy you give the money to.
Abbott: That�'s how he signs it!
Costello: You! You…You just don�'t give money to
someone without having �'em sign the receipt!
Abbott: No! Who signs it.
Costello: What are you askin�' me for?
Abbott: Now calm down. I�'m not asking you, I am telling you. The…
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
What�'s the guy�'s name that signs the receipt on first base?
Abbott: Well now wait a minute. What signs his own receipt.
Costello: Who signs his own receipt?
Abbott: No, Who signs his.
Costello: I�'m askin�' you,
when the guy on first base gives you a piece of paper…
Abbott: Yes, now wait…
Costello: …he puts his name on it.
Abbott: No, Who puts his name on it…
Costello: How…
Abbott: …and what puts his name on it…
Costello: How does the fella�'s name on first base
look to you when he signs his name?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: To you.
Abbott: That�'s how it does.
Costello: How does it look to you?
Abbott: Who!
Costello: To you.
Abbott: Who!
Costello: To you.
Abbott: Who! Look…
Costello: When the guy signs his name, how does it look to you?
Abbott: Now that�'s how it looks. Who.
Costello: H—How…Who?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: I�'m askin�' you.
What�'s the guy�'s name on first base you give the money to?
Abbott: Who! After all, the man�'s entitled to it…
Costello: Who is?
Abbott: Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Costello: Whose wife?
Abbott: Yeah, sure.
Costello: All I�'m tryin�' to find out is what�'s the
guy�'s name on first base…
Abbott: What is on second base.
Costello: I�'m not askin�' you who�'s on second.
Abbott: Who�'s on first.
Costello: I don�'t know.
Abbott: He�'s…
Costello: Third base, I know.
Abbott: Yeah.
Costello: You got a outfield?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The left fielder�'s name?
Abbott: Why.
Costello: I just thought I�'d ask you.
Abbott: Well I just thought I�'d tell you.
Costello: The left fielder�'s name?
Abbott: Why!?Costello: Hmm…Because!
Abbott: Oh, he�'s centerfield.
Costello: Oh…
Abbott: Told you all these players got…
Costello: All I�'m tryin�' to figure out is what�'s
the guy�'s name in leftfield.
Abbott: Now, What�'s on second.
Costello: I�'m not askin�' you who�'s on second.
Abbott: Who�'s on first.
Costello: I don�'t know…
Both: Third base.
Costello: You got a pitcher on this team?
Abbott: Wouldn�'t be a fine team without a pitcher.
Costello: What�'s his name?
Abbott: Tomorrow.
Costello: You don�'t want to tell me today?
Abbott: I�'m telling you.
Costello: Then go ahead.
Abbott: Tomorrow!?Costello: What time?
Abbott: What time what?
Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who�'s pitching?
Abbott: Now listen. Who is not…
Costello: I�'ll break your arm,
you say who�'s on first! I want to know what�'s the pitcher�'s name?
Abbott: What�'s on second.
Costello: I don�'t know.
Both: Third base!
Costello: You got a catcher?
Abbott: Sure.
Costello: The catcher�'s name?
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today. You don�'t wanna tell me, today…tomorrow…do you?
Abbott: I�'m telling you.
Costello: So the catcher�'s name?
Abbott: Today.
Costello: Today. And Tomorrow�'s pitching.
Abbott: Now you�'ve got it!
Costello: Now I�'ve got it…
Abbott: Hey!
Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team!
Abbott: Well I can�'t help that.
Costello: All right. You know now,
I�'m a good catcher. Now,
I get behind the plate and… and Tomorrow�'s pitching
on my team and a heavy hitter gets up.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Now when he gets up,
me being a good catcher, I�'m gonna throw the guy out
at first base. So the guy bunts the ball.
I pick up the ball; I�'m gonna throw the guy out
at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Abbott: Now that�'s the first thing you�'ve said right.
Costello: I don�'t even know what I�'m talkin�' about!
Abbott: Well that�'s…That�'s all you have…
Costello: That�'s all I have to do is to throw the
ball to first base. Now who�'s got it?
Abbott: Naturally. Now you�'ve got it.
Costello: I throw the ball to first base,
somebody�'s gotta get the ball! Now who�'s got it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Naturally?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: No, no, no, no…
Costello: He gets the ball. Naturally gets the ball and…Nat—
Abbott: You throw the ball to first base.
Costello: Then who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Abbott: No!
Costello: Naturally gets the ball and…and…
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: That�'s what I�'m saying!?Abbott: You�'re not saying it…
Costello: I said, I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: No you don�'t!
Costello: I throw it to who?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: That�'s what I�'m saying!
Abbott: No it isn�'t.
Costello: I throw the ball to first base, somebody�'s gotta get it.
Abbott: So Who gets it.
Costello: Naturally.
Abbott: That�'s it.
Costello: Okay. Now I ask you, who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: Same as you!
Abbott: Now listen…
Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Abbott: You throw the ball to Who!?Costello: Then who gets it?
Abbott: Naturally.
Costello: He better get it! So I throw the ball to first base.
Abbott: All right.
Costello: Whoever gets it drops the ball and the guy
runs to second. Now, Who picks up the ball and throws
it to What. What throws it to I Don�'t Know.
I Don�'t Know throws it back to Tomorrow, triple play.
Abbott: Could be.
Costello: Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because.
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Why? I don�'t know! He�'s on third and I don�'t give a darn!
Abbott: What�'d you say?
Costello: I said, I don�'t give a darn!
Abbott: Oh, that�'s our shortstop!

Abbott & Costello - Who's On First? Music Lyrics

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